I think it has something to do with really trying out the *greens* last night. Sure, I've smoked out a few times this past year, but never really getting the hang of it until last night when a friend took his time to show me what to do. What I mean is that I never really felt the effects of the stuff until last night. Nor have I sucked it in as hard as I did until then.

The thing was, it was pretty cool. It took me a while before I felt anything and once I felt it.....wow. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I was all giggly. I mean, I'm a giggly person in the first place if I'm having a good time, but this was a drugged giggly. It was like my reaction to everything was slowed down. Even my thinking process. I caught myself numerous times saying things that just didn't make sense. I mean, at one point my friend asked me if I had any pets. I answered, "A monkey." Hahaha. A monkey! I couldn't believe I said that. The thing was that I was thinking of the big squirrel that lives outside my window. I always think it's a monkey because it shakes the tree so hard when it jumps from one branch to another. Anyway, I didn't even realize I said monkey until my friend looked at me in bewilderment and said, "A monkey?! You have a monkey?" His reaction was just way too funny.

I also found myself laughing when I had to go pee. I couldn't help laughing because urinating took what seemed like a good whole minute. It sounded like running water. Hahaa. Oh, wait, it is in a way. But, I guess I was laughing because I was embarressed my friend might hear me peeing for so long.

Anyway, my head felt like it was bobbing up & down, around and around in a trance-like motion. It was relaxing. It felt almost like I was actually doing that and I certainly hope not, since I'm sure I would look pretty strange. I think this is what my friend meant by feeling 'fluttery.' My head felt like it had wings attached to either side and they were trying to take-off with my head. The only problem is that my head is too heavy and so the wings were only able to move my head around in a funny motion.

So, this friend, who I had the fortunate opportunity to experience my first bought batch of weed with is someone who I find really cool. The kind of friend who you're attracted to, yet at the same time, you know you don't want to go beyond that because somehow, something tells you that you'd rather have his friendship than nothing at all. There're few people I feel that way about. I don't know what it is but it's nice. Sorta like a 'push & pull' sort of tension. I think I had a bad start with him and now I'm trying or maybe we're both trying to patch that up and give real friendship a chance. It's taken a year to get where we are and I feel comfortable. I mean, I felt really comfortable hanging out with him last night. I think I actually felt 'happy' for once.

I wonder if he is happy. I wonder now because somehow we got into me talking about my ex and he asked me, "But you're happy now." I hesitated and said, "uh, yeah." The truth really is, "No, not really." I mean I said, "yeah" because at the moment he asked me that, I was feeling happy but I haven't really been happy. Does that make sense? I wish I had asked him if he was happy. Sometimes, I complain about people not asking me questions about myself and then I end up being the one who doesn't ask questions. It makes me wonder if I'm more a hypocrit than I think I am.

It's a little past 2 am now and I should hit the sack, but I'm hungry and there's a good movie on right now. Luckily, I found a drawer full of saltines I've been hoarding from Ralphs salad bar. I knew they'd come in handy one day. As for the movie....ugh....I can't stop watching it until it's over.