So, here I am again, after taking a little break. A break from writing. A break from reading other's words. A break from diaryland and other journals. It's good to be back, yet bad to be back because that means back to old habits of staying up late. I have to be at work in 5 hrs and 42 minutes, which means only 4 hrs of sleep. Crap. Crap. Crap.

I'll probably wake up with another nightmare like I had last week. I've been having nightmares quite frequently. I dreamt I was laying in bed, holding up a turtle. Without warning, the turtle started to excrete a massive dough of waste on me. As the shit fell on me, they turned into millions of little ladybugs that quickly scattered beneath my sheets and upon my body. I felt myself jerk in fright and kicked the covers off. That's when I woke up and realized it was just a dream.

It was a freaky dream that I later tried to make sense of. Since the turtle is a symbol of peace for the American Indians and ladybugs are a symbol of good luck, I initially interpretated the dream that I was seeking peace, hence my grasp of the turtle. I assumed the ladybugs meant I needed lots of luck in order to seek peace. Yet, after further thought, I realized that there could be a second interpretation of my dream.....a much darker and realistic version. You see, my Reese, the ex-boyfriend not only wears a turtle around his neck but also owns a sulcutta turtle. Therefore, the dream could mean that the turtle I was holding up in bed is him. He took a sudden dump on me, thus meaning he dumped me all of a sudden without warning.

As for the ladybugs, I'm not sure what that would mean, but it was a creepy feeling because normally ladybugs are a positive sign, but in my dream, they seemed negative and frightening. I have an idea what it could mean, but I don't want to say anything except that I am 'toying' with his mind and it gives me great pleasure to feel that power over him. Evil I am. Sneaky I am. Clever I can be. Psycho I may be, but not really.....just hurt and looking for answers. But, ya know what? It helps me move on and every day is easier.

On to second dream. I dreamt I was laying in bed. Yes, the same bed Reese gave me. I dreamt I was getting ready to give birth and anticipating the horrible pain one must go through of expelling another human being out of a tiny orifice. I do not remember the pain because it was so scary that I woke up and found myself spread eagle, legs propped up in the birth position. I had no panties on. Somehow, they had mysteriously been taken off, I'm embarressed to say, but not really because I'm admitting to it. Ok. Alright. I admit it, sometimes I sleep with nothing on except only a man's shirt. Anyway, I'm terribly frightened of the process of giving birth. I'm not saying I don't want kids one day, but I am just really fucking scared of physical pain down south. Imagine how much it hurts when you have a large piece of shit that rips your back pipe, then imagine that piece of shit being a baby's head. Ouch.