I mean, I hate to admit it, but what if he meets some hot chick who's not only hot, but funny and smart as well? What if he digs her more than me? I hate to think like this, but I'm a girl who's maybe got a bit of a low self-confidence complex going on left over from some loser boyfriend in the past. Maybe? Yes. No. Yes?

Anyway, so he claims that he's only there to support Sean and distract some girl's friend as Sean works on some girl. Well, somehow, this bothers me. I don't like it and I'm not going to tell my own boyfriend what not to do. But, still, why must it be this way?

What is wrong with this picture?! I mean, I'm trying not to be a nervous, jealous, high-maintence girlfriend, but for crying out loud, it is Saturday night! I don't care if he spend girl hunting days with Sean on the weeknights, but Friday night, Saturday, and Sundays are my days.

Look at it my way. I work 9-6, Mon-Fri, sometimes Saturdays, when I want to earn an extra $150-$300. I get home from work, I'm tired, I want someone to snuggle up to, get some hugs, and talk about whatever crap there is to talk about or complain about.

Problem is, my boyfriend lives about half an hour away and he hates my place. So, because he hates my place since he claims it is tiny, stuffy, and he can hear all sorts of tiny noises (i hear nothing), he won't come over. Well, ya know what, boyfriend? I don't fancy your place all that much either, but I still make an effort to be the one who always goes over to your place.

When I go over to his place, I have to deal with dog hair, a bathroom floor that has a huge crack in the floor, and the cold. Yes, his place is fucking cold all the time. The place is old, there's a musty smell due to the old wood. The shower has not been usuable because he tore it apart a month ago. There's just a tub and I don't like sharing a tub with anyone when there's a roomate who uses it, as well. I'm not one to share dead skin cells with, other than my boyfriend. Speaking of dog hairs, his dog pooped all over the living room rug this morning. Luckily, I didn't see it. But now, I've got it in my head that the dog probably tramped it all over the other rooms, which means, I might have some shit under my tracks. Great.

So, anyway, I'm starting to think I'm the one making all the effort here. Sure, he's treated me well and he cooks for me, and still gives me kisses every five minutes, but something's wrong here. Why am I starting to feel incomplete?

We have problems. Problems I'd rather not discuss and I'm not sure how to deal with. I feel like when there is something that is bothering me about him, I can't address it to him without him defending himself and making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. He says I don't listen. Um, hello, I think it is him who is not listening, otherwise he'd hear me out instead of arguing with me. Not that we argue much. We don't.

He's got a temper that could be scary if prompted enough. He's a capricorn with a hard head like me. Yet, we are opposistes. He's loud, boisterous, not afraid to speak his mind, sometimes rude, yet he doesn't know it, and has to be the center of attention. Me, I'm quiet, soft, sometimes shy, and would hide from being the center of attention. I've got a mind that works silently and schemingly. But somehow, we've been told we work together in a cute way. So, things have been working, but how long will it all last and will this quiet Cappy hold her bubble?

So, anyway, the point is that the weekends are precious to me. It is the only time I can really relax and spend some quality time with my boyfriend. He decides to take up on his guy friend's offer to go out and flirt with girls. He tells me, they usually go out to a bar, get bored, Sean never works up the courage to talk to a girl, and my boyfriend ends up listening to him complain all night. Then, they end up at a strip bar. HELLO! I say to him, "Well, do you enjoy doing all that with Sean?" He rolls his eyes and says, "Uh, no, honey, but look, he's my friend and a good friend." So, I'm left with nothing more to say because, basically, there's really nothing more for me to say. If I argue any further, he'll just win the conversation by saying, "Honey, I'm going to see you tomorrow and spend super bowl Sunday with you and your friends." End of conversation.

I hate relationships. I hate the amount of time people invest in a relationship, only to start wondering if they are in the right relationship. Sometimes, I feel like I want to be married and sometimes I hope I never will be. Life is unpredictible. It's been 4 months and I'm already wondering if my boyfriend is boyfriend material.