It's like when you find a Rolls Royce for $2500 in a used car lot. Even though it looks perfect, you know that there must be something wrong with it for it to be that cheap.

When something seems or feels like it's too good to be true, most of the time it is. It's a gut feeling that you get. And, sometimes, you don't want to believe it, but in the end you will realize that your initial gut feeling was correct. You will be crushed but you will heal.

Well, my Reese was that Rolls Royce. I'm not mad at him and I'm not angry with him anymore because I don't think it's his fault. In fact, I think I realize that I love him and that I want him to be happy, to be healed because he will never be able to have a lasting relationship if he doesn't get help.

Why all of a sudden I realize this? Well, it's more like I knew it all along, but didn't want to believe it. I was on the right track, but I didn't fully understand until I started seeking help from a psychological counselor. And, it's not like I thought there was really anything wrong with me. My Reese said some things to me that made me think I may have problems which needed professional help. And, I do, for self-esteem issues, but not because I can't handle a relationship or that I'm living in a fantasy world or that I don't listen as Reese claims.

You see, Michael, my counselor has been listening to me and everything that's been going on in my life....all of my relationships....lovers, boyfriends, family, and co-workers. The first time I went in he told me that he could see that I'm bright. Bright as in the way I question and address the issues around me. That made me laugh and smile because everyone is always telling me that, yet sometimes I wonder if they are just being nice. There I go doubting myself.

I decided to see a counselor because I wanted to prove myself that I do listen since my Reese had said I never listen, yet I do. Hey, I can't really say he's my Reese anymore, but in my heart, he will always be the Reese that was part of my life. Anyway, he is the the one who doesn't listen because he's running away from reality. He can't handle reality and when I want to talk about problems and feelings, he runs away saying something like, "You don't need me to say how I feel about you. You already know how I feel about you." See, from this, he's telling me to read his mind and I can't read his mind. No one can really read another person's mind. You only guess and assume through actions and words. That is not how a relationship works. We had a false relationship.

My Reese is a struggling actor who's finding it tough making it big. His last long-term relationship was with an actress. They were together for two years and he could never figure the real her. She had a different 'face' for every occasion and situation. He vowed to himself that he would never date anyone in his industry where everyone is superficial. That's where I come in. I'm not an actress and I'm an awful liar. I have no talent for acting and he was looking for someone real, who didn't put on faces where he couldn't see the person for who they really are. He can't handle reality and I am reality.

Our problems started when he realized I didn't feel comfortable letting him see me without make-up. For him, it was like I was putting on a face and not being me. Well, I am still the same person he met, with or without makeup, but no matter how much I tried to tell him I'm the same person he first met and that I never put on a 'face' for him, he wouldn't believe it. He wouldn't listen and the more we argued about it, the more problems he'll come up with. Everything he brought up was false and yet he didn't realize it. He was projecting HIS issues at me by claiming his issues were mine issues. He does not know how to differentiate what's real and what's fantasy.

AND, that, is what makes me feel hurt. It's not hurt for myself or the way we ended, but hurt for him because I care so much about him that it hurts knowing and seeing him the way he is.....knowing that he is suffering and needs professional help, yet also knowing that I can't really help him get help because he no longer wants to listen to me. It's a lost case and I'm so sad. How are you supposed to help someone who no longer wants to listen to you?

I've seen the wonderful side of my Reese and that's how I want to remember him. Not the ugly side. I know that I could never be with someone who's not able to talk about feelings and thoughts. I also know that I cannot be with someone who I know is not going to be there for me when I need them. The Reese I came to know cannot be there for me and I know I cannot go back to him unless he is all healed up inside. And, I know it will take a very long time for him to heal and that healing process will not happen until he starts seeking professional help. He is no longer mine to worry about and I cannot go back to him because I need to watch out for myself first before I can watch out for someone else.

I do know that I will never date another actor nor someone who's got a terrible temper problem.

Now, please go read the following:

Esol He's got a really great analogy about 'sea changes.' It's so darn good, it's going to make you smile. He sees the world in such an amazing way, you wonder how he does it.

Grogan He's someone I just discovered who enjoys what I write. I enjoy his just as much.

Beloit08 This is Grogan's friend whose got interesting things to say, as well.

Oxeia She's Beloit's girl. I admire her strength and what she's been through.