I must trust him and not be paranoid, freaking out because he hadn't called all day.

Well, he called about an hour ago.

See Rach, you must not freak out and trust that he will call like he says, afterall, has he let you down so far? No. So cut it out and stop torturing yourself."

Ok.

We are going to go out tonight. I had asked him nervously, "So since you don't have any plans tonight, do you want to do something?" He said, "Sure. What would you like to do?"

This time I said, "We could go check out some music....a live band or something."

I am running out of ideas as far as what we can do. Does anyone have any cool suggestions?

Honestly, I wouldn't mind doing anything with you as long as you don't get bored with me, but I realize that I can't let you make all the decisions each time, like you have been. Also, why didn't you ask me if I wanted to get together or something? This makes me wonder if you'd even want to get together, but then again, if you didn't want to get together, then you wouldn't tell me the truth and say you have no plans tonight, right? So why am I making a big deal out of this in my head? Am I the only one who thinks this much about these things?"

So he's out jogging right now before the sun goes down and I'll be here at home waiting for him to call once he gets home.

What to wear? What to wear? Crap. Need to find out what I can wear tonight. Everything's dirty. Oh Christ, I can feel and see a new zip forming. Crap.

Him on the phone today: "I've been writing some music."

Me thinking to myself: "I'd love for you to serenade me and I'd love for you to write a song about me or for me."

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This is the second entry for today. What's up? All of sudden I want to write? It's not even good writing. It never really is. I just write and blab whenever I feel like it. I guess I just don't want to forget anything. Sometimes I leave out alot of little things...little personal things that I don't feel comfortable letting everyone know. And since I don't write that, I'm afraid I'm going to forget those little things and I'm too lazy to hand-write in a journal. So why don't I just start a locked journal? Ah...why that would be too much work, I think. You know, you're really talking to yourself. You talk to yourself quite alot. Well, at least I don't hear voices. If I did, I'd be worried.