I must admit, I am not one who normally find Asian men attractive. It's funny because I am an Asian female. There's very few Asian men I find 'hot'. I've dated Asian men, but I just seem to be more attracted to non-Asian men. What's up with that? I've been called a traitor and a banana. It's not like I do it on purpose. I don't. If I like what I see, that's it. End of story.

Women checking out other women? Not uncommon. I shamefully admit that I saw a really hot-looking chick a few weeks ago walking down the sidewalk. Oh, my god, she had on these nice pants that showed off her figure nicely and this ultra sexy top where part of your back is revealed. I mean, this woman had the best clothed bod I've ever seen and I would've loved to see her naked and touch her skin. Is that so bad? AND, no I am not a lesbian and I don't think I'm bisexual, but I just might be tempted to try out a woman once.

I've realized that I have no shame. I'm contradicting myself, aren't I? Yes, I am. I'm not afraid to reveal these thoughts that I have or moments of embarressment. I mean, these are situations some people would never ever admit and here I am annoucing it on the web. A couple of years ago, I would've thought twice about revealing my breast enhancer incident. What is going on with me?

My good friend, Jason, the dental student just called me up. Yay! We're gonna meet up tomorrow night and catch up on what's been going on with our lives. I'm going to take him to the Beverly Center since he said he's never been there before. That is a huge shocker since he grew up here in CA. We'll probably catch a movie or something later. Yeah, that sounds good. Jason's so fun to be around. I can tell him almost anything. He's like a male best friend. Too bad I don't have PlayStation or Sega at my place. We'd be playing all night long. Or, maybe we'll just go play videogames at some store and annoy the salespeople. Hmmmmm...here's another idea I've never done before. How about if we just go to the Good Guys, sit on that nice leather sofa they have and watch whatever movie they have showing at the time. We could just sit there and catch up on old times.

Ok, I'm feeling better now. I've been in this bitchy, moody,irritating mode since last week. I've been hating work lately. I seriously hope it's just a phase I'm going through. Maybe Al is right....he says I need to get laid. Ha! Maybe. I've been hating life and I physically feel it. My chest aches and I feel this huge emptiness. I get this lump in my throat and I just want to break down and cry. What the fuck is wrong with me? I go out, I have friends, I have a steady job, I live in a nice place and drive a nice car. I realize I could have all these nice things but none of it would ever fully make me content. I need someone in my life. All the happy people I see are the ones who have someone special in their life. I used to be one of those people. I am now on the other side, swimming in the sea, trying to stay afloat and stay sane. I won't give up. No, I won't. Everything will be fine.