i wish i could turn back time to 1991 when i had just graduated from high school. i regret not taking advantage of some sort of overseas study. i regret not knowing what i had wanted to do in life as far as a career goes and to this day, there are still so many occupations i would love to explore. i don't think i want to remain a designer 5 years from now. i think for me, i can only do that for so long. what is the meaning of life if one doesn't explore life outside it's norm?

i regret not having learned spanish. i regret not continuing to learn french. i regret as a rebelling teenager, i had not fought against learning mandarin when my parents were persistent that i do so. instead, with the 8 years that i spent at a university, i wish i had taken advantage of the time to learn these 3 languages fluently. imagine what my job opportunties would be like now if i had done so. imagine the rich varieties of opportunities that exist out there.

i regret not having spent at least a summer studying abroad somewhere in those 8 years. if i knew then how i'd feel now, i'd have spent 3 of those summers at different places learning about and immersing myself in another culture, grasping and acquiring what knowledge is out there.

why have i remained in california? why have i not strayed further from home? i look back and wonder how it is that a large percentage of my high school classmates have not strayed far from the city they grew up in. i laugh at them thinking how it is that they could stay in one small community, only to reproduce and become family folks while i ventured 2 hours further to experience more of life. and now, i realize, i am no better to have only ventured 2 hours away when there is the world to explore.

i regret my choices back then and part of me wants so much to just explore other cultures, to fully immerse myself in them, learning their language as i do so. yet, i have this life here that i cannot break away. i have someone dear to me who i need to be close to, whom i cannot imagine being away from for 2 years. i think at this moment, if he wanted to move out of the country, i'd give up everything here to go with him. wouldn't that be crazy if we both served together?

perhaps i am searching for something more in life other than to work for a living. i think i'm the type of person who wants to learn about everything and all at once and at the same time i want to feel like i've done something i'm really proud of that i can feel good about. that is, to know that i've made a difference in many peoples' lives.

i would spend my time traveling the world if i could, living in each country for a month each. if i could, i'd tell and encourage all college freshmen to explore as much as possible while they're young and single. i wish i had had that sort of encouragement back then.