As I type these words that speak in my head, miniscule droplets fog and cloud over my hypnotized eyes. If you look long enough, you will see the deep sadness I carry.

I don't think he understands how much I ache over his silence. My heart belongs solely to him and no one else. I am trapped in a cold, empty, prison cell.

No matter how much I try to escape, I cannot.

Others ask, "Why can't you give other guys a chance?" or "What's a bright, witty, pretty girl like you doing without a boyfriend?"

And I, I can only utter a mere, "I don't know" along with a little blush and smile. At the same time, I think silently to myself, "It is because my heart belongs to someone who refuses to see me and I am a fool for being my own prisoner."

That is my story. I ache with pain. I cannot stop, unable to get a grip of reality. He draws me in with hope and then lets his grip go, all the while I'm bouncing highs and lows.

I am his silly yo-yo.

--------------------------------------------------

Tonight, I was feeling so awful, I called up someone who I knew was interested in me more than friends, yet I hadn't felt anything towards him. You know, that "spark." I thought maybe, just maybe if I give him another chance and get to know him, just perhaps, I could find that spark. But, no. No spark. I cannot see past friendship. And I feel terrible because he is such a nice person. I fretted nervously in the car on the way back from the movies what to do if he tried to kiss me. Yet, I think he felt my ever so great aura of tenseness in the air that he didn't even try. And I'm relieved for that. I am such a tangled yarnball of a mess.

--------------------------------------------------

I wish, I wish with all my might to have someone to hug and hold me quietly and just let me be, so I can cry out my sadness without being taken advantage of by my weakness. I yearn so badly to have a long hug. Just a hug that will make me feel better and stop this weeping ache.

--------------------------------------------------

I wanted to write about my halloween and what I dressed up as, but I don't think I quite have the energy for that at the moment. Next time. I'm just so weakened with sadness right now.