So a few weekends ago I was having dinner with Oso and a few of our friends at the local Curry House in West LA. Somehow the subject of urination positions came up. It started with Oso telling us how when he's in the bathroom, he's seen some really odd poses. I am going to create an illustration of these poses once I have the time. It's too hilarious to pass up. I should then have the guys I know post them in men's bathrooms when they can. It'll be titled something like, "What's Your Peeing Position?" Below is a list of the different positions the men at our dinner table shared with us ladies. Hey, wait a sec...I should create artwork for this to be sold on t-shirts and plaques. Ok, no one take my idea.

Men's Peeing Positions
1. Standing. One arm up with palm against the wall. Other arm propped up against the hip or guiding the little fella.
2. Standing. Both arms up with both palms against the wall.
3. Standing. One hand holding the trouser pants open and the other guiding the little fella.
4. Standing. Both hands resting at hip while little fella is unloading without guidance.
5. Sitting on toilet seat.

Apparently, we all found positions number one and number two to be extremely hilarious. The "we" included 4 males and 3 females and all of the 4 males agreed #1 and #2 were odd. Men: Who agrees? Who doesn't agree? If you're male, which position do you use?

As for females, we came up with the following positions. We have less variations than the men, as well as less unusual ones.

Women's Peeing Positions
1. Sitting on toilet seat.
2. Squating or hovering over toilet while both feet are still on the ground.
3. Fully squating over toilet with both feet on the toilet seat.

Women: What do you do? If I'm at home, I usually sit on the toilet. If I'm in a public bathroom or at someone else's house, I do the standing squat. When I was a little girl, I remember my mother telling me to attempt the full squat over the public toilet only because I was too short to do a standing squat.

So this brings me to tell a funny, true story that happened when I was probably around 10 years old. My sister was probably around 7 at the time. Let's call this the "Plop, plop story." We were at a local Kmart. I had to go pee and my sister had to go number 2. So, we headed into the ladies room and I went into one stall while little sis went into the one next to mine. As I was finishing up my business, I started to hear little little "plops." But they didn't sound like the plop sounds that would hit against water with a splash. They were "dry" plops. All of a sudden, I saw brown pebbles hitting the floor of the stall my sister was in. Some even started to roll into my stall. As soon as I realized what it was, I screamed out, "Yewwww!!! You're pooping on the floor!" I heard little sis getting mad and saying, "No I'm not!" And I would say, "Yes you are! Hurry up before someone comes in and sees." So we ran out of there. I think at the time we were afraid we'd get in trouble so we didn't bother to clean up the mess. I wasn't up to pick up shit. Now I wonder who found the mess and how they reacted.

Apparently she had been fully squating over the toilet facing the wall with both feet planted on the toilet seat. Somehow her ass wasn't quite over the toilet. I wonder if anyone has had a funnier experience. I actually have a couple other "shit" stories but I'll save them for another time.