it seemed so long ago. i felt so old. i wasn't sad, nor was i happy. i felt little if anything, like i was looking into a pond of water and reflecting back on times long gone.

he was wearing a white t-shirt and khaki shorts, pacing around beneath the tall acacia trees. i could tell he was talking to someone on his cell phone....a cell phone he used to not have, at least when i was with him.

i pretended that i didn't see him as i neared the gallery opening, walking along side my friend, martin, who was also on his cell phone, speaking to his on-again/off-again girlfriend. i'm sure he saw me. rarely did anyone at the time have a cell phone.

we reached the circle of people next to a table of food. we walked up to steve, the artist. he had put on an extra 20 lbs since i last saw him on graduation day. so many people have gained so much weight. we gave each other hugs and some "long-time no-sees."

i walked into the gallery entrance and within a few minutes, a few people had gathered in a circle next to me. i turned to my right and there he was. my 3rd ex. he reeked of beer, a scent i recognized far too many times in the past.....those nights that he would come over drunk as a skunk. he'd want sex, but would fall asleep before that would even happen. he'd fart loudly while he slept. i remember grabbing a pillow and extra blanket to sleep out in the livingroom because my room would be perfumed by his beer stench and audacious farts. i think my roomate at the time said she could even hear the splattering sounds.

i said, "oh, hi rafael. how are you?" he looked at me in that familiar way...the "hey there. hi. what's up?" and uttered a shy, "hi. good. how about yourself?" his eyes, his neck, and his face were red. sure signs he's probably already had too much to drink and it was only a little after 7 on a saturday night. then, i turned away and started chatting with someone else, ignoring him. there really wasn't much to be said. and i thought to myself, "what the heck did you see in him?"

as the night wore on, i chatted with old friends. every now and then, i'd see him glance over at me. i only pretended i didn't notice. he is history long gone.

as i came out of the women's restroom, i noticed he was just walking out of the men's room in front of me. i froze and lagged behind. i didn't want him to think i was following him. then i thought, "wait a sec, i went into the bathroom before he did." as that is what i remember when i was walking away from everyone into the building. he must have followed me into the building, only i took too long powdering my nose.

those hallways led to large, empty classrooms that held a lot of memories for us. i remember all those late nights of lust in the life-drawing room, the animation room, the projector room, the critique room. and i wondered if he followed me into the building because he was drunk, hoping for some old-time fun. i also remember those hallways were the ones where we had huge silly spats in. i just knew i didn't belong there anymore. it was an erie feeling.

i was glad to go when a few of us decided to go hang out at a regular pool hall we all used to hang out. it's the same one i got drunk and passed out on graduation day. graduation seemed so long ago.

saturday night was strange and i hurt myself, bruising two knuckles on my right hand while shooting pool. it was a dumb mistake. they told me to shoot it hard, and i did, only i was holding onto the stick too low and ended up punching the table. i think it was a wake-up call that shouted, "remember the pain you suffered. don't repeat history." and i thought to myself, "some people never change." it's like they have been frozen into time, never again to move forward. either that or it's that i've changed a lot. i think i have,but it's probably a bit of both.