Whoever wrote it was wickedly creative and witty. I give him or her a perfect 10+++ on a scale of 1-10.

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Dear Ms Megabite:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NRL 7.4, AFL 3.2 and GOLF 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What

can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

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Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 t! o default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files.

DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.

These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited

memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as Boob Job

3.6D and that old standby...Lingerie 6.9 (which have both been credited with improved p! erformance of his hardware).

Good Luck