i miss my mommy. currently, she's on the other side of the world and won't be back until april.

i miss my daddy. there's this discomfort i feel knowing that he's all alone for over a month while mommy's out of town.

i miss mommy and daddy. i haven't seen them since pretty much during christmas break.

i am bad daughter. i don't nearly make the effort to call them more often nor on a regular basis. i don't even make the 2 hour trip to visit them as much as i should. if only they lived an hour closer...

why's it so hard

i love you.

3 little words. it's so hard to utter them, even when i feel it so strong.

it used to be so easy to say. yeah. it sure was...like when you were in your early 20's. now you know better, you think. but no, it's more like you're afraid. coward. chicken. the past experiences still hunt you.

i love him, but i can't say it to him. i can only show it through my eyes....the way i look at him or smile at him or the way i cling onto him, not wanting to let go before we depart from one another.

i see a photo of him and i just smile, feeling warmth surrounding me.

then i think about how i'm afraid to feel this way...to allow myself to become vulnerable because every time that i do, it eventually shatters, like a mirror being dropped on the cement ground, cracking in millions of pieces. irreplaceable.

i'm afraid that's what's going to happen the moment i utter those 3 little words.

i love you.

it's not so easy, you know. i wish i knew if you felt the same and if so, i wish you would hurry and say it first.

i will see you soon. i can hardly wait.