She was saying something to me and even though I couldn't hear her, I knew what she wanted, even if I didn't want to donate my hard-earned cash to her, but I found myself rolling down the window 2 whole inches.

Madam, my husband and I are homeless and we're just trying to get enough for a meal.

I pulled out my wallet and ended up giving her three whole dollar bills. She thanked me and then I pulled forward to only order my seventy-five cent burrito.

What the hell?! I gave that woman three bucks and bought myself a seventy-five cent meal?"

The whole reason I went by Del Taco was because I knew they had cheap food and I have to save what I can and there I go handing over three bucks to some woman I don't even know and who could possibly even be pretending to be homeless or collecting enough dough to buy drugs or alcohol?

I was angry at the woman for making me scared and for making me feel guilty and making me feel reluctant to give. Then again, she didn't make me, but had she not been there, I would not have had to give up what I had in my wallet.

Had J-boy been there, he would have refused to give her anything.

Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a good heart or that I'm chicken shit for not being able to stand up to certain people who make me feel sorry for them.

--------------------------------------------------

Apartment-hunting drains all the energy out of me. I drove around for about 3 hours, looking and looking and not finding anything satisfying that is affordable.

--------------------------------------------------

I went over to J-boy's and we rented "The Majestic" tonight. It was really rather good and it was quite relaxing just staying in and watching a rental.

--------------------------------------------------

Once I pulled up in front of my apartment building, waiting for the gate to open, I nervously looked around me, scanning for masked men with guns. As soon as the gate opened, I drove in quickly, turning off the engine, opening the door, grabbing my purse, my keys and running as fast as I could to the staircase door, afraid robbers might have followed me in. Once the door shut, I felt a sense of relief. I think I got really spooked by the haggard old woman and thinking about the man that had been robbed a few weeks ago.