that is, the subject of how many jerks and losers i'd gone out with who seemed to only be more interested behind closed doors. when it came to public appearances, i was merely just a 'buddy'. no handholding. no siree. when it came time to pay for a meal, it was dutch. no romancing. i'd end the day with disappointment and much dissatisfaction.

then, there were those who were as sweet as cotton candy and pampered me at the slightest whimper, yet i'd quickly lose interest one way or another.

so, here's my bf listening to me and i started to get emotional, i got all choked up, and a few tears started to roll down my cheeks. i tried to hide and bury my face in his chest, but he gently pushed me back up, lifted up my chin, looked me in the eyes, brushed away the tears. i told him i didn't want him to see me this way, all weak and vulnerable. do you know what he says? he said, "no, no sweetie, i'm glad to see you like this. it's moments like this that makes it all worthwhile." i didn't understand intitially, but what he meant was that it is moments like this that makes a relationship stronger....you know to share moments like this one.

he told me he loves to see me smile, to make and see me happy. that's what makes him happy...to see that i am happy. he can see and feel it by the way i look at him or the way i react towards him, the way i hug him or the way i touch him. and the thing is, i feel the same about him. he makes me happy and not because he told me tonight that he's told everyone about me, but because he said he cares about me. and, it shows.

we went to see a screening of billy eliot tonight over at universal studios. i tell ya, it's really rather good, although i initially had diffulculty understanding their Irish/English tongue. 'pervert' sounded like 'perv.' i enjoy english humor.