This brings me to the time when I was a Brownie, walking door to door, trying to sell the cookies to my neighbors. I remember walking down the hill in my official Brownie outfit to knock on the door of my first crush's house, trying to sell cookies to his mom. I don't recall if she ever ordered any from me, but I do remember her son's name was Jonathan Mckenzie. I just wanted a glimpse of little Mckenzie.

Jonathan Mckenzie had short, wavy golden brown hair, big blue eyes, and the longest lashes. Oddly enough, I would find myself with two boyfriends who resembled him later on down the line. And even now, when I think back to that time, I often wonder why I even had a crush on little Jonathan Mckenzie.

I also had a crush on little David whose last name I have long forgotten. David had short brown hair and the largest brown eyes framed by even longer lashes than Jonathan's. I remember him as a shy, quiet, good boy.

Then, there was Louis. Louis was cute, as well and a cross between Jonathan and David. I don't think I ever had a real crush on him, but he was my friend and also my friend, Grace's friend. I used to think Louis and Grace was a little couple for some odd reason. I had exchanged real, hand-written letters with Louis for a number of years after I left PA and headed back out to CA. Somehow, over the years, the letters diminished and I lost touch with him. I've stayed in touch with Grace.

Then there was Daniel. Daniel was a sweet little boy who always shared his Twinkies with me every day at recess until the day I decided I wanted nothing to do with him all because his big, bully brother chased me around singing out, "Daniel and Rachel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage......" It was at that point that I experienced my first feeling of "Yuck! A boy likes me!" It was, at that moment rather traumatizing for a little girl my age. From that day forward, I wanted nothing to do with sweet, little Daniel as much as I liked his Twinkies.

As I reminesce back to that time in 2nd grade, I'm coming to the conclusion that this similar cycle with boys is still occuring. There are the boys you have a crush on, the boys who are your friends, and there are the boys who you want to reject.

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The things that people said to me today that made me feel good:

1) The lady who does my eyebrows asked me if I was married. I said "No." Then, she asked if I had a boyfriend. Again, I said "No." She exclaims in shock, "How come?! You are very beautiful." I said, "I don't know, perhaps they don't think I'm as beautiful on the inside."

2) I was driving in the mall looking for a parking space when a nice lady yelled out to me in a friendly voice, "There's a space right there." And I thought, "Oh, how nice of her to point that out to me. You don't meet a lot of friendly people like that in LA." I thanked her graciously and she smiled a smile that spoke, "No problem!"