I am not supposed to be here at home right now. My friend, Jason called this afternoon and had to reschedule our outing before he heads back to Boston. His aunt decided to pay him a visit and he could not get out of it. Or so, he says. No big deal. He's just a friend....who's almost like a brother, only cooler than a brother. :) [he won't hit me on the head for no reason & give me a big bump that would last for days]

My brother was such a brat. Oh, yes, a trouble-maker he was. He's the middle child and isn't it often true that the middle child likes to cause mischief just so that they get more attention? I was just sitting on the couch watching cartoons one day. He comes up to me with a big flag stick and hits me over my head with it. I hadn't seen it coming and man, did it hurt like hell. I remember getting so pissed off over it that I got up, grabbed him by the shirt and pounded him as hard as I could on his back. I think I remember the sound of my fist hitting his back and hearing him scream out in pain. I felt horrible after hitting him. I was afraid I really hurt him bad. At the time I guess he deserved it.

I am the oldest of three kids and supposedly the one that everyone trusts. I am the responsible 'older' sister. I am also the one my parent's friends would say, "Oh my, you've grown up to be such a pretty young lady. Oh, your skin is so lovely. Surely, you must have a boyfriend." Uhm, yeah. So, I always wondered if it was just common practice for Asian parents to compliment their friends' oldest daughter as a means to be polite. Of course, I never saw that happen when the oldest daughter was not so pretty. It's best to not say anything except something along the lines of "My, look how grown up you are now." Smile, smile, giggle, giggle.

My little sister has always been the quiet, observant one. She's not so quiet anymore, but pretty analytical.... probably from all the observing she did as a child. She was a real cutie as a kid and I used to chase her around, trying to tickle her. She was so good, she'd do whatever I told her to because I was 'the big sis' who she looked up to.

Ah, the wonderful thoughts of childhood. We were all so innocent and life was so uncomplicated. We only dreamt of toys and playing. My goal as a child was to collect all of those big Barbie toys and I actually did get that big, Barbie van. We used to ride on top of it. I was my aunt's favorite niece and she often heard me talking about Barbies. So, for this one Christmas, she decided to get me that van. I remember coming home from school one day and there was that huge box under the tree. I was so sneaky...still am. When no one was around, I'd go under the tree and carefully peek into each and every package. I used to climb on top of the kitchen counter looking for those butterscotch candies above the fridge. I'd dig into the box of sugar cubes and eat up a dozen or so. I was always rummaging through drawers, closets, and cabinets. Yes, that was me.

Ha! I just remembered something funny. When I was about 7 or 8, I was digging around my aunt's bathroom cabinet. I found this box of sanitary pads and had no idea what they were. So, I came out of the bathroom holding one and asking everyone what it was. I don't remember what they told me, but I thought it was a pretty nifty little gadget and I wanted to play with it, but they took it away from me.

Life is so complicated now. I think so much. I have all these feelings and sometimes, I wish things were as simple as when you were a kid. One of the greatest complications of all time is men. This seems to be an ongoing battle for me. Sometimes, I just want someone to hold and hug. That's all. Other times, I want more.

Today, during lunch, Mochi Boy, Boba Boy, Hooch, and I went out for some Ralphs salad and McDonald's. We always have this talk about men and women AND sex. Boba Boy questioned if I was just a simple girl. I asked him what he meant by that and he said a girl who's not high maintence, who just wants to have someone there to hold, watch movies with, read a book at home, eat regular food, cook together, take long walks in the park or beach, someone who knows what they want and also has a life of her own where she would still go out with her own friends. I said, sure, yeah, that sounds like me. Wow. He sure could see through each and everyone of us. At work, he's usually pretty quiet and I see him observing us. He's pretty good at guessing what we're each like. He tells me that he wished he could find a girl like me who just wants the simple things in life. Uhm, that kinda reminds me of that song No Doubt has. I'm not sure if he was hinting or what, but no, I don't think he was hinting.

We each took a sexual personality quiz found in a current copy of Glamour. I am a mix between an exhibitionist and a damsel. That sounds just about right. Right now, I'm a damsel in distress. It said the exhibitionist in me craves for drama and spontaneity. Fire measures the degree of your sexual exuberance......oh boy....I chose a bonfire over a match. Yet, the lettuce and rabbit I chose signifies my femininity, fragility, and receptiveness....I want to be romanced even though I sometimes appear like a strong-headed woman. The orange butterfly I chose signifies my inner power, aggression and pride.

Larry came in today. I let him work on my computer and I could feel his eyes following me around. I didn't mind and actually liked it. Oh, yes, now I feel like I'm in control knowing his secret little fantasies. The last time I saw him, I could tell he was nervous around me...probably embarressed about what he confessed to me that one night while I was online. I know exactly what he was thinking when I happened to get some paint on my little white t-shirt and had to wash it out. I had to walk around the office with the lower half of my shirt wet and whoa....right away...the wet t-shirt contest comments went flying my way.