i'm not sure why i am afraid of the dark. perhaps, i am afraid of blindness, of not being able to see my surrounding. perhaps, i have watched too many horror movies and now my hyperactive imagination is on alert for the boogie monster, the bloody hand, freddy kreuger, the trolls who drag you off your bed and through the air-conditioning duct, the night stalker--richard ramirez, and numerous other creepy characters i have seen on tv.

when i go on vacation and forget to tote along my night light, i leave the bathroom light on with the door cracked open 2 inches.

if i am at home and the light bulb to my night light goes out and there is no replacement bulb around, i light a candle that would last til i fall asleep and if there is no candle around, i resort to the bathroom light solution. then, again, i have stocked up on a couple packages of extra night light bulbs, just in case. oh, wait. i think i should check inventory tonight, just in case...

and, if there is a power outage, then i have my little, itsy book light right next to my bed, along with the extra batteries. i also have my flashlight and several small candles right next to my bed....for, well, you know, just in case.

i used to sleep with the covers over my head, the bed sheets and comforter tucked tightly underneath me, so that no monster could get me. over time, it'd get too stuffy and i'd have trouble breathing, so then i'd gather up all my courage and make a little 'air hole' hoping that nothing would reach in and touch my nose. i'd make sure that my feet never hung off the bed, just in case, something from underneath the bed decides it is hungry.

sometimes, i'd have to go to the bathroom and i'd be too afraid to go outside my room to reach the toilet, just in case, dracula would be standing right outside my door. i could remember holding my pee for as long as i could. sometimes, i didn't have the courage to open that bedroom door and so i made myself a *pee emergency kit.* heh. the first kit consisted of an ugly mug i didn't like and that no one used. at times, i found that the mug didn't meet my needs and pee would overflow the rim. i had no idea my bladder could hold so much pee. so, then, i upgraded to a large, empty ragu spaghetti jar that my mother had saved for her little crawling vines. i think, in time, my little pee secret was found out and my mother gave me a good scolding. she told my father and he, too, gave me a scolding and told me how ridiculous i was to be afraid of the dark.

sometimes, i wonder, if anyone else out there has ever made a pee emergency kit as i had.

i am no longer afraid of going to the bathroom if i wake up in the middle of the night, but i am still afraid of the dark and whatever may come with the darkness. i guess, there are just some things i will never outgrow.

oh, if anyone can relate to my little confession, please do write. and....if you have ever had a *pee emergency kit,* you better write because i want to know all about it!