Oh! This is going to sound really lame but I touched Kobe O'brien's signed basketball today. I'm not even sure that's his name or if I'm spelling it right. I just know he plays for the Lakers. Boba Boy's mom is really into basketball and he ordered her a signed, cased basketball, plus a signed, framed jersey.

My 2nd boyfriend is a major Lakers and Kings fan. He used to take me to their games and even bought me a white Kings jersey. I still have it, even though I know I'll never wear it again. I'm a little sentimental and would feel really bad if I got rid of it because afterall, he has been the kindest guy I ever went out with and I completely broke his heart. Not to mention we had a 4.5 yr relationship. I gave him up for a jerk. What can I say? Now, all I am attracted to are lame ass guys. I think I'm going to start practicing celibacy and become a nun. Or rather, just tease the hell out of guys and not even let them touch me. Let them suffer blueballs. Can y'all tell I'm bitter?

I should just let Gabe do that nude painting of me and that's all any guy will ever get from me......only to be able to stare at a nude painting of my hot ass. Not even Gabe will be able to touch me.....he can just gawk at me while he paints. He can title it, "The Nude Celibate" or "The Born Again Celibate".

Last week, a coworker handed me a copy of "The Pre-Booty Call Agreement," that she got from an email someone sent her. I found it funny at first, then it bugged me down because I realized I relate to some of it, which REALLY fucking bugged the hell out of me and I've been kinda bitter since. You have your sex partner sign at the bottom of the agreement. It goes as follows:

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public, except for dinner or drinks, before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 pm. (We don't have shit to talk about.)

4. None of that "lovemaking" shit. Strictly mind blowing sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions...(ex: Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?)...Hell no, so don't ask stupid shit.

6. No plans made in advance...that is why you are called the "backup."

7. All gifts accepted...(money and diamonds are always good)

8. No baby talk. (However, dirty talk is encouraged.)

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers (it's really none of your damn business.)

10. No kissing (too intimate except to other body parts...no mouth kissing.....yuck.)

11. No calling each other "friends with benefits." (We are not friends, just sex buddies.)

12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK...don't be offended.

13. No extra clothing. (I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.)

14. No falling asleep right after sex...get your ass up and go home...it's over damnit!

15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it. (I don't care.)

16. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roomate's girlfriend/boyfriend."

18. Doggie style preferred. (Just hit it hard and right or get the hell out.)

19. Reason for doggie style:The less eye contact the better.

20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME. (so don't keep calling, dammit.)

21. The most important one...no condoms...no fucking...carry your ass home.

22. Bring your own drink...I am not your liquor store.

23. No phone use, please....don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.

*EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS*

The holder of the agreement may only alter the aforementioned rules. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement, this agreement will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.