i envy whomever and whatever walks into your life. your closest friends, your family, your coworkers, your neighbors, your cat, your food, your clothes, your tv, your couch, your bed.

and i try as hard as i can to wipe you from my mind, from my memory, but you are always there, always just a blink away. you have been frozen and engrained so deeply within my electrolites that I cannot drain you away. not even draino will do. you are like an indomintable virus running through my veins.

every song that radiates from my cd player, from my car radio, from the listening stations at Borders or Virgin or some other music store reminds me of you even if it had nothing to do with you.

when i eat or see shrimp, i think of you and the pile of shells you tried to hide from me. i think it was that moment that i fell head over heals for you as silly as it might sound.

and despite that you never call me or contact me anymore, i still long to be close to you. i am full of foolish love. i am infatuated with you.

i try to move on and not care because you do not call or email me anymore. sometimes, you even ignore me. you are so unpredictable and i am so foolish. i think someone else could make me forget you, but i catch myself close my eyes and pretend he is you, yet i know he's not. he doesn't feel or smell like you. and i want to cry because i'm ashamed and so very sad. i wish as hard i as can that you would let me in, let me see who you are, what you're about. and as time rolls on by, the further away i think you and i can truly get to know each other as friends. every word you wrote to me is no longer valid because it's been broken by our indecent acts of lust. and i am so very sad.

today, i'm sure i'm going to run into exboyfriend #3. #3 is not you. in fact, you were never a boyfriend and that makes me even more of a fool for being so infatuated with you.