on top of that, i've got my spanish class which takes up a lot more of my time and i'm starting to feel even more stress because i'm not able to provide myself with more time to study.

and on top of that, my mom is once again back in town staying with us. she's being a mom and the longer she stays the more mom-like she becomes. tonight, she even started to call me trying to figure out where i am because it's 11:30pm and i haven't come home yet. yes, she's worried. but hey, it's mine life! i tell her this is how i live. i don't always come home early. i do my own thing. i don't want someone there to worry about when i'm going to come home and where i've been. that's just more stuff for me to worry about. just stop it with leaving me messages of "where are you? it's already 11pm. call me back." just stop it already. i'm freakin 32 yrs old and not 16 and still living at home with a curfew. stop worrying. oh and she like covers the kitchen counter around the sink with all these used paper towels that she wants to dry for later use. recycling used paper towels. god, it looks so tacky and unhygeinic. and how can a little person where barely 100 lbs walk so loud! boom, boom, boom. i hear it above my bedroom upstairs. why is it that i can't stand my own mother? why does she annoy me so? i just don't agree with her on so many fronts. she just angers me and then i feel guilty for being mad at her. we just don't get along.

and yeah, i'm also getting fed up that my boyfriend of 3 years is still not ready to move in together. i don't understand. he's 34. he says, "it's not you. i just can't live with anyone right now. i'm not ready." fuck. i don't want to live like this forever. you're not seeing anyone else. you don't want to see anyone else. you love me. you love music. you spend all your free time with me other than to go running for exercise or record music or practice with the band. so what is the freakin problem? commitment-phobic? i'm am sick of waiting and waiting and waiting.

i am feeling a low point in my life and i just want to bitch everyone out. don't touch me. don't talk to me. don't call me. don't look at me. don't fucking bother me. give me the fuck what i want already. everyone wants a little bit of me and no one wants to give me want i want or deserve. people suck.